How to Overcome Insecurity in Your Relationship

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Everybody deals with insecurity at some level in their relationships. It is just the degrees that vary. Insecurity in relationships is normal. It could arise due to trust that has been broken in the past or otherwise. Despite this, if the insecurity is not managed well, it could ruin you as an individual and eventually destroy your relationship. It is, therefore, essential for you to overcome this insecurity in your relationship.

In this article, I share tips on overcoming insecurity in your relationship in order to enjoy a happy life.

Before we begin, let us first look at some signs of insecurity in a relationship. These are usually a result of broken trust in the past. Some signs of insecurity are:

  • Getting anxious when your partner is not with you.
  • Wondering who your partner is speaking to every time they are on the phone.
  • Thinking that your partner is constantly comparing you with others.
  • Always threatening to break up, or worse still, you keep breaking up and making up.
  • When your partner is speaking to you, you find yourself trying to catch inconsistencies in their story.
  • You struggle with letting yourself relax during emotional, intimate moments.

I believe that you may know some other signs that I have not included in the list above. Why don’t you, at this point, take time to examine your life and jot down signs of insecurity in your relationship? What works for another may not work for you. Find what works for you and your relationship.

Now that you know your insecurities, here’s what you may need to do to overcome them.

Love yourselfPhoto by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

1. Practice loving yourself every day

Loving yourself is an integral part of overcoming insecurity. It helps you think positive thoughts about yourself, making you realize that you are more valuable than you probably thought.

You can love yourself by doing several things, for example, taking care of your grooming, health, feeding, learning something new. Additionally, you could avoid being too hard on yourself. Instead, begin celebrating even the most minor achievement, engaging in fun activities, enjoying your work, etc.

When you look and feel good about yourself, naturally, you will become more confident and less vulnerable. You will determine what thought patterns and actions are beneath you and avoid those. Unfortunately, it may not happen overnight, but with consistency, you should see a difference.

Also, you can use the power of positive affirmations to overcome your limiting beliefs. Keep a gratitude journal and celebrate every step you take towards your desired goal of overcoming insecurity in your relationship.

2. Stop spying on your partner

Spying can be as shallow or deep as one wants it to be. It includes checking your partner’s phone, emails, social media, their movements. You may also call someone else to confirm that your partner is where they said they are going. When they speak, you will be listening for inconsistencies in their conversation. The list could go on and on.

Keep in mind that spying is terrible for your relationship and negatively affects you. It builds negative thoughts in your mind that could turn out to be dangerous if not managed well.

Consider talking to your partner about your feelings instead of spying. Engage in open-respectful communication about the insecurity issues that you have. Pick a time when you are both calm and relaxed for this conversation. After this discussion with your partner, you should not need to continue spying on your partner.

Photo by Andre Furtado from Pexels

3. Consciously focus on the good in your partner

Your partner may have their share of weaknesses, but surely there must be a reason you fell in love with them in the first place. So, in case you have forgotten how great your partner is, get a piece of paper or use your phone to make a list of the things you love about your partner.

If those have faded away, jog your memory using your photo albums or whatever items you collected during the special times you shared. Remember when you first met your partner and all the beautiful qualities you loved.

Every day read out loud to yourself the list of your partner’s good qualities that you created. You may begin to trust and love your partner again when you do this.

4. Pray about your insecurity

Prayer has got a way of helping one face whatever challenges they have. For example, when you pray about your insecurity, you begin to trust God with your relationship.

Knowing that God has your best interests at heart and that He would not allow you to take on more than you can bear is a step towards overcoming insecurity in your relationship.

So when you see something in your relationship that causes you to get anxious, tell God that you depend on Him to protect your relationship. Then, trust that God is working behind the scenes to improve your relationship. Over time, you should overcome that insecurity in your relationship.

5. Share your anxieties with a close confidant

Many of us are guilty of sharing the stuff we shouldn’t have with someone other than our partner. I have seen relationships restored because the confidant helped the hurting person overcome their issue. However, I have also seen cases where the confidants betrayed the trust of the hurting one and made the situation worse.

Therefore, you need to consider carefully before sharing the insecurity in your relationship with other people. Here are things not to share about your relationship, even if sharing with a close confidant can help you overcome insecurity in your relationship.

Counselling to overcome insecurity
Photo by Cottonbro from Pexels

6. Seek professional help

Suppose you have tried all you can and still find that you cannot overcome the insecurity in your relationship. In that case, it is time to consider seeking professional help before giving up on your partner and relationship.


Managing and overcoming insecurities in your relationships is essential to enjoying your partner and life. You also get to enjoy peace of mind that is good for your health.

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Please share this article so that more people can overcome insecurity in their relationships.


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